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Thursday, September 4, 2014

I Love You Still

I love you still
I love you and always will.
But earth and heaven cannot meet
God forbid.

But I love you still
I love you and I always will.
Though the world changes around us,
you took my heart and it is thus

I love you still
I love you, always will.
I will love no other.
my heart will not give me another

I love you still
I love you, always will.
I’m sorry we couldn’t be;
the both of us: you and me

I love you still
I love you and I always will
I’m sorry it had to go
and I don’t expect you to know

I love you still
I love you and always will
but it just wasn’t for the two
of us to be: me and you

I love you still
I love you, I forever will.


Saturday, April 12, 2014

May Be My Final Words Here

As of late, I'll be committing myself fully into pursuing my dreams of going competitively and hopefully professionally as a Dota 2 player.

I doubt from here on I'll have the time to be able to post up petty posts on the blog and in what hopes of hoping for responses no matter which eyes are set upon these words I write. It is not as if I'll no longer write, because that part lives forever within me and I will write if I ever will feel like it. But as for now, I'll leave my last greetings and my last goodbyes marked upon this 7 year blog of mine. It will be kept here, vacant, and unattended like a haunted home, on the Internet.

This is it.

James Nareik,
Signing off.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Priorities

Essay number 2. Sadly, my essays are not moving in a sequence or having any connections with one another. These are all just based on thoughts and insights that I have come across over the days and I'm writing it down from raw memory and recollection of the discussion that was going on inside my head. This time around, I'll be writing about priorities from my POV.


In life, I believe we have our own priorities. Family, studies, work, career, entertainment, etc. There are so many things we put ahead of us, and many that we can't live without. Priorities, I believe, set our path in life and determines where we head to. Our interests and our priorities make up our life and ultimately define who we are. Whether or not our priorities may change overtime, is not for me to decide for I did no scientific research or even any statistical research upon writing this.

Coming from an Asian nation with many Asian friends who have typical Asian parents, I see many of my friends and relatives focusing so much on their studies. Of course, coming from an Asian family, my parents also expect the best out of me, though there are no such demands of "Straight A's or you're no son of mine" business. They still expect me to get good grades because they know that I have the capability to, except that I do not work and strive to attain those said goals. Why? Priorities.

Our priorities exist to tell others about what we put first, and what comes after, depending on the hierarchy that we set up. I, for one have no interests or whatsoever in pursuing my studies, while many of my peers do. (Perhaps there is a slight connection to my previous essay). Each other's priorities should be understood because everyone is defined differently. I abhor it completely when people talk to me about my studies and telling me that I'm being completely complacent about my grades and that I'm not trying my best when I could. But really, I have never given thought to my studies based on some factors:

1) I have the utmost passion to become a professional gamer (which is to no avail) and have the passion for the games I play. E-sports is a rising industry and I really want to be a part of it, which is why I long to be a shoutcaster for a time. But all these I'm willing to give up for:

2) God has a plan for me and I have already been called to fulfill certain duties in my education which is to eventually pick up education and be an educator. I pay no attention to my studies because I know that I'll be able to reach this goal which was set (not by me) ahead of me. Of course there is a work on my part, and thus that's why my work is to a minimal.

3) I have only the biggest interest for the work of God. If I had the chance not to study, I'd most likely be travelling everywhere, guitar in hand, church hopping and getting involved in mission works (and probably moving into full time thereafter) and living on the charity of the churches that house me.

Eventually, I think we'd all have to evaluate our priorities and see where it leads us to. Where will money get me in life? What does my career do for me? I work so much everyday, do I have time to spend with the ones I love? Ask yourself and see if there is any rearrangements that should be done in your priorities-list.

Priorities define us, sets our path in life and leads us somewhere eventually. What would be your priority today?


God is mine,
James Nareik

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Understanding

A lot of argumentative topics came into my head recently and I really wish I knew where to start but let's start of with:

1) Understanding.

We say that we live in a world of instant gratification but in fact, it is not only gratification that comes instantly, but also everything that we do. Why do I say so? I believe that in this day and age, mankind has become very self-centred and we have all placed everything below our self-importance. It really is the "Me, Myself and I" era. While most of the time, selfishness doesn't cause much harm(except for maybe a few acts of selfishness), I believe the biggest harm done is that of the lack of understanding and passing judgments.

"How is this selfish"? It is safe to assume that we're always judging the people around us for what they do, who they are because of what we're not. It happens in our society, it happens in our school and even in the home. People are chastised because others do not like what they do, because they do not like who they are, because they are not like them. What happens is that, most people want others to behave the way the behave and walk the same path they walk. Any divergence from the said path would bring on the wrath of the whole world, even though it is a good act.

This leads me to the lack of understanding in today's world. As mentioned previously, we are judged because we are not like our judge. Person A will rebuke Person B because B is not like A.

The lack of understanding comes because punishments are passed without trial and without truth. Kids in school are reprimanded because they do not behave well, but do the teachers ever take a step further to find out why is he this way? Do they strive to understand their situation? Every problem has a cause. What if that hyperactive kid who is running around the class is doing so to hide the pain of a broken family? What if that shy kid at the back who is picked on by everyone has always been abused?

Do we strive to understand the hearts and lives of many? Or are we just like the rest of this hellbound society that we live in and to judge the souls around us? Because of this lack of understanding that we have in this world, many people tend to back off from people. They break away from society (which is probably good right now) because no one understands them. Have we ever considered the rising crime rate of today to be the result of the isolation of these people? Robbers may be people who started their run poorly and as they grew up, unable to find work, shunned by the people around them and with the determination to survive, being named as lawbreakers and to be put to the sword by the very society who created them. I find it disturbing and unfair.

Make a difference today and try to understand people. Try to understand why they are "different" and you'll probably have a bigger picture of life, rather than just seeing everything from a first-person point of a view.



Make a difference,
James Nareik

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Apologies and Confessions

First of all, I don't know if you still read my blog, but I pray that you do because this post is meant for your eyes. I never had the courage to walk up to you, in any form of social media, to tell this to you. And I hope I do not regret that as well. At least through posting this online, I feel that my shame doesn't come back upon me that quickly.

Dear Friend,

We've known each other for more than 3 years now, and it has been but a month that we last met. Recently, I have been speaking to Wai Jun about almost everything and somehow you were included in our chats. I also have been reflecting on my past blog posts from 2011 until now. There were many reflections that I made from surfing through my blog but I stumbled upon one which was posted 1-2 years ago which broke your heart. When I read it, it broke mine too. Even though we made up over the issue a long time ago, I somehow still feel the guilt the other day and I would like to apologize for that. That conflict came about when I disagreed with you when you said you did not trust (I think) about what Jane said. Instead, I defended her with harsh words against you and broke your heart. I regret it much and if I could go back in time, I would definitely slap me so hard.

Secondly, as I said, I have been talking to Wai Jun recently and we talked about you too. He told me many things about you which, surprisingly, I never knew =p. I came to know that while I was not speaking to you for a long time (which I will mention later), you still called him to find out about me and why I was behaving like this.
To the issue: You messaged me one late October asking me about my conflict with Jane, because you suggested her to message me and you told me that it was my decision to reply her or not. And I did not reply you and I have gave you the idea that I was angry with you. Until now, I kept this from you:
1) I did not reply her because I was not graceful enough to forgive and forget (Although we have made amendments now, but I still lack the grace to meet her and speak to her. I do not hold any wrong against her but everytime I see her, the past just comes and kacau me and I dislike that).
2) I did not speak to you because I was ashamed. Ashamed of saying "no" to you and that I might have a negative impression because of my attitude towards this. I was wrong. By ignoring you, I probably came across your mind as worse than heartless : That I would turn away such a blessing-of-a-friend for my own pride.

I'm sorry that I made you think that I was angry with you. After that one time years ago, I can never find myself to be angry with you. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you and kept you wondering about me the whole time. (Yes, Wai Jun told me that you kept asking about why I was like this. You were curious about why I changed and I myself am curious about why I behave like that as well).

I also ask that you be graceful enough to forget the wrongs I have committed indirectly to you. I know that I probably gave a negative impression about me. I should've kept my hands to myself. I really am trying to change and I want you to be a part of that just as how so many others are helping me with it.

I pray, my dear friend, that you will have the heart to forgive me for all these wrongs I have made against you. You may or may not understand the anguish and shame I face right now. I hate myself for doing so many things wrong. I told myself not to regret anything as I lived in life, but I cannot help but to regret doing so many wrongs especially against such a person who means a lot to me.


But I want to thank you as well for all these years where you have never given up on me. You still cared for me without me knowing. You still came to find me even when I've gone so wrong and you do not know how many times I felt worthless because I did not deserve such actions from you.

I know I can trust you but somehow I've never played it out. I thank you for your support all this while and the encouragements you gave me when I needed someone to talk to. I thank you for your listening ears and you graciousness to someone who probably isn't worth the time being gracious to. I also miss the time when we used to text message each other everyday and talking nonsense.

I wonder how you view me right now. Do you still see me as the friend who called you up crying because of a friend who passed away? As the friend you called that one night because you were having an argument with your sisters about the tong air that nobody wanted to carry down? Or as the person who broke another person's heart because of misunderstandings? or the person who ignored a close friend because he was ashamed to answer a very honest question?

Anyway, from what I talked to Wai Jun, there are probably answers that you are still searching for (perhaps?) and I promise to be honest to you this time.

You know, God will surely be pleased with you. Because everytime I think about the way you treat me: How I have been wrong to you and yet you still came to find me and to be that friend who was always there. It is just the way God came to earth even when we don't deserve it and called us to Himself. Indeed I see God whenever I see you :).


From a broken and contrite heart,
Kieran Ng

Monday, March 17, 2014

Will You Walk With Me

Will you run the world with me?
In all its twists and turns.
Give us a chance, let's be free,
For there is nothing we cannot earn.

Will you sail the seas with me?
Weather the storm that comes.
Stand with me in all that be,
Till the gale resides in endleas calm.

Will you give your hand to me?
And on oath: eternally.
Walk this crumbling world with me,
And let our love be - gradually.

Will you walk with me?
James Nareik

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Should I turn aside?
Should I walk away?
Because all this while,
I've been led astray.
             Isolated
             Deflated
Nowhere to go,
None to turn to.

Everytime I see you there,
I just can't help but wonder that,
It's only you that I see fair,
A life complete, a life prepared.
                Strong
                Belonged
You have everything
I am left with nothing.


Untitled,
James Nareik