My Greatest Struggle

My greatest struggle, a riddle I can't solve,
It holds me in its icy grip, and makes my fears evolve.

The reason: I had a thought of death and its unknown nature,
That has given me this riddle and this doubtful stature.

Of how and what eternal is, a life that I not know,
And how long can eternal be, a question hence and so.

In the dark recesses of my mind I see,
The unknown that death has for me.

Is there an end to this eternal living?
My heart asks its doubt believing.

God forgive my soul I cried,
For deep inside I've already died.

A deep conviction of this pain and sorrow,
For then I fear of the coming morrow.

There's nothing I can say and do about,
Till the time when my soul cries out.

I wanna trust in You forevermore,
Up until the day I face Death's door.

Dwell here, beside, within me,
And Your presence my abiding be.

Restore my faith and my doubts repel,
Disallow this child to be felled.

Yours feared,
James Nareik

Changing-A-Me

I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways - Man In The Mirror, Michael Jackson

I'm resolving to change myself, to be a better person, a better man for God. I am one of the Chosen Generation. I have to make a difference. I realize all these after only God gave me a wake up call on Sunday.

I find myself being changed into a melancholic person as time passes by. I'm able to empathize with people. I feel pained by others grief and sorrows and I hate it when I am unable to help them. That is why I cried so much on that grim Sunday afternoon.

Now I find myself in a very vulnerable position. I find that I could just die at any given time. But for the first time, I find myself unwilling to give up on my life after having a glimpse at death. I don't want to bring sorrow upon those I love. I can't imagine that.. It will make me look so heartless..

Nonetheless, may God guide me and change my heart and renew my soul. My faith was shattered and rebuilt. I find it is based on different perspective but my foundation will always be Christ. That can never be changed. I have lost the will to carry on with a normal life, but to solely focus on the God and the expansion of His kingdom. I don't see the point of studying any more.. If I devote my time to studying everyday.. And I just die the next.. What's the use? I dunno what God will think of me.. But I will find myself very ineffective for God.

Aiya.. But all in all, I will submit myself to His will and let Him guide me every single step of my life. Amen and amen.

Changed,
James Nareik

To A Friend Who Now Resides In Heaven

On Friday, the 17th of February 2012, SMK (L) Methodist KL suffered a great loss, of this man. And I'm glad to say that he knows sits with our Father in heaven, singing and praising God for all eternity.

Bro Looi Wai Hong struggled with lung cancer for over a year and he passed away because of pneumonia. Despite his struggles, he held on to God. Every step he took by faith, and with full knowledge that his days are numbered, he still lived his life to the full, without regrets and being cheerful and an encouragement to everyone.

I may not have known him personally. I may not have been with him in his last days. However, I am fully assured of my statements. I see him in school all the time and still kidding around with his friends. I guess this is the way God works with people. Each and every one of us has a race laid out in front. It differs for each of us. We might be running a 100m race, 200m race, 400m, a relay or even a marathon, but despite of the short length of our life, I am able to say that Wai Hong has done God's purpose in his life by being an encouraging presence among us in school. Though a new convert, he has displayed more faith than I can ever have in my 7 years in Christ Jesus. I don't think I'll have the strength to carry on the way he did if I were in his shoes. I respect this man for his brave spirit. His never giving up attitude. And most of all, his unwavering faith in God.

God bless you Wai Hong. Rest in peace by the arms of the Lord.
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And now, I look at myself and question myself over so many things.
1) What have I ever done in my life for him?
-I've known him in Form 1, and the only thing I know is that I did not like him because of his attitude, solely because I was a prefect. I am now justified by my own guilt. I find a deeper meaning of life through his death. I know that I live for God's purposes. I life for the people of this earth. I may not be of this world, but I am here to bring them out of this world into His light. People can die any time. I can and so can others. So I have to make use of all my ticking hours to do what the Lord wills me to do. I can be idle no longer. God grant me the strength to move!
2) What is death like?
-Ever since the unfortunate news of his loss, I question myself and started going into deep thoughts. What is death like? If it's like sleeping, where does my conciousness go. Where am I? Do I feel anything? Am I even me? Am I aware of my being? What do I see? What is heaven and eternity like? And as I looked upon the sleeping face of Wai Hong today, I find my questions answered with an answer I cannot name. He looks so solemn laying there. In peace and so serene in a calming look upon his face. I started crying even more. I couldn't hold it back. I asked myself question 1) and was deeply filled with regret. I am of little faith. God help me, a sinner.

3) What if it was me?
-How do I want to be remembered by? When my time comes, will my testament be read in saying I was a good man, a good prefect, a good presence to others, a good friend and a cheerful fellow? No. I want it to be said that I lived for one purpose, and I died for the very same, which is for Christ Jesus. I now will myself to live for Him. God grant me every bit of energy to do what I must. I want to live for God. Nothing else matters.
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Our life goes from Birth - Death. That little dash is what it all means. Whatever happens in that dash does not go with us after death. Only our souls enter heaven with the works that we have done for God. So what will we do in that dash? The very answer is told that we are here for "Good deeds(Ephesians 2:10)". Secondly is that we should live for him. I will not write a verse reference but it is found in either one or all of the four Gospels. It says that "Not all who call me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but only those who do the will of my Father will". What are we waiting for?
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(Phil. 1:21 - To live is Christ, to die is gain)
(2 Time 4:7 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith)
(1 Cor. 15: 35-58 - A passage of the ressurection body)
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Rest In Peace Wai Hong. Abide in the Lord always. Rejoice! For you have eternity ahead of you! Be joyful! You have gained the biggest prize ahead of so many others! Be glad! For you have gained life!


And for those who are in grief of his passing, be happy! For his suffering is no more, and he has life forever, in the presence of our Lord Jesus. Amen.

For A Special Someone

Here's a little poem to spice up my blog for a bit:

Here's to a person close to heart,

Who's by my side and plays her part,

Despite the complications of my soul,

Here she is of wonders untold.

A company so stimulating,

Though we are miles apart,

A personality that is fascinating,

No doubt she's God's work of art.

Of beauty unknown and grace unsung,

A hope so tender an innocence so young;

If I said the right words,

Will I collide worlds?

No one else makes me feel this way,

Bright in day, night equally gay,

With only your words and smile,

It drives me a thousand miles.

Be the same always,

Do not change in the coming days,

I want you just the way you are,

And take me to places far.

In The Wake Of Destruction.

"And I feel so alive, for the very first time, I think I could fly" - Alive, P.O.D


A few days back, I felt close to dying because of all the crapload I had to do, and that was put in front of me. I saw the Light at the end of it all. God was merciful and He looked upon me with mercy and He helped me back on my feet. I wanna stay like this forever. No matter how much I stumble and fall, it is without fail that His grace and mercy follows me everywhere. "They are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness O God"- Lamentations 3:23


I also feel grateful for the person who has always been with me in my times of distress, sympathizes with me indirectly and helps me all the time. She really has been special to me and I am always thankful for her everyday presence in my life, though we are not even living close together. I think you know who you are. Thanks for your time and comfort.

I've always wanted to stand on my feet and never fall. I find it impossible. Which man can stand and not fall when he walks? He might be stable, but there are always stumbling blocks ahead of him. He will surely fall. However, that is no matter. The main thing is that he gets up and walk. This serves as a reminder to me that though I sin, though I fall, though I look stupid in His eyes, there is always another chance for me to get back on my feet and to continue to walk in the Light.

On a side note, KL/PJ SCF Convention is just this Saturday. I just want to request that you dear readers pray for the convention that it will be a successful one and that many will know their role as leaders for the Lord's work.

With Gratitude,
James Nareik

Sudden Downfall

 "きみ に  あいたい(kimi ni aitai) - I want to meet you" : Aitai - SCANDAL

Today sucked like heck (13.02.12). Woke up in the morning, realized I had unfinished homework.. screwed la. Then I went to school.. so darn tired because I devoted myself to doing all the homework I could remember yesterday... and then go to school.. teacher wanna ask me where's my homework, told her I didn't do.. asked me what's wrong with me.. I told her I don't know and she probably took it as a joke. I don't blame her la. No one knows how to sympathize and/or empathize with me. So darn stressful and under pressure already because of the Prefectorial Board's duties as head of Printing Comm. Slips already not sufficient enough and I'm so busy with SO DARN MANY THINGS and I don't even have the time to stamp and cut the slips to supply to the school. I feel like a darn failure. I suck la. I don't even know why they credit me for things. I don't know why they keep their hopes up to me. People like me so darn useless.. Sack and switch to another head probably better la.. I failed them.. Haih.

Sometimes, dying seems to be an infinite comfort. Try being in life, feeling so useless, inefficient, ineffective... Really gets you down. And that's how I'm feeling. Life don't go the way I want things to be. Fine. Fair enough. But it keeps stabbing me in the back. Sometimes I feel like I really wanna give up on life and just die la......

Love also has me down. Feel so lost, so... empty. I never gave up on hope but sometimes reality just sinks in and you get the sense of feeling that.. "I'm never her type. I can never be her type. Who the heck wants a person like me? Useless. Crappy. Can't even speak his own language. Who wants a banana these days?". It's a fact la. I'm not looking down on myself. I don't hate myself. I just dislike how I run my life. I abhor what life throws at me these days. I just can't stand any longer. Even a tall person falls, and the strongest tree in the forest will also fall to the saw one day. Doesn't matter la. All I hope for is she be happy the rest of her life. No need to care about people like me. Single then single la.. Emo the rest of my life only ma... It's nothing....

Down and out,
James Nareik

I Hit Something Hard. Is It Another Rock, Or Have I Hit The Buried Treasure?

"'Cause the possibility that you would ever feel the same way about me, just too much" - Crush, David Archuletta.

The past few days have been good and have really put a smile on my face especially spending some online time with a few friends. Shared a few good laughs together, made me smile like mad too! Maybe it was all just personal, but I'd like to think that it was also the same for the other party as well. As per the norm, I'm always the lame guy talking nonsense that makes everybody wanna smack me. But hey! That's good what! People grow fonder of me and they just can't help but feel my lame presence whenever I am around. It's a good thing to do, making people smile and enjoy each other's company. I really cherish the past few days. Was really great.

I just found out I hit something solid, where I was digging. But I have yet to find out whether it's just another giant rock or have I already struck buried treasure. Of course, all these I'm saying is in a figurative speech, or in other words, a metaphor I came up with myself, which I find it very amusing. "Love is like a digsite rumoured to hold treasures untold. One is appointed a place to dig, and cannot leave that spot. There are many other people around digging at only one spot. But only 1 gets the treasure." That being said, I shall further elaborate. A digsite is big and holds many possibilities for everyone. But stating that there's only 1 treasure, only 1 man will walk away with the lucky prize. Other's will just have to walk away or murder that man eh? That happens in love. But in otherwise, while digging, we might hit rocks which we take as false hopes of the person falling in love with us as well. Such is my case. I really hope I've won her heart. Well, it's just all in my own imagination, my own want. But what can I say? I'm 17, I'm a guy... It's natural to be falling in love at this age! Heh!

Moving off the main point, CF Convention is up next week. Can't wait to stay over at Matt's house. Gonna force him to sleep on the floor this time, since that was the case, in my home last year. I had to be on the floor just to accommodate him. xD. But nonetheless, I'm pretty sure we'll be having a fun time. Biasa la... We 2 stooges... If only Jeremy could join us. That would be a complete set and we would never be able to sleep at night. Oh the humour at night. I can only imagine it. But meh.. It's still some time before that happens. =D

Here ends,
James Nareik.